- Hold his ponytail for him when the time comes
- Pull up a barstool and drink with him, duh!
- Put his hand in warm water and a shaving cream beard on his face when he's passed out
- Take him on a brisk stroll in the fresh air to walk it off
- Take his ill-gotten treasure and hide it at the bottom of the sea
- Make him a robust serving of french-press java in my Belgian syphon coffee maker
- Dump a bucket of ice water on his head